Married To The Sea archives (by month):

2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec

yes! another hole-in-yard! I'm glad I stole these range balls.

range balls
11-30-08

range balls
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got some bad news for you, kiddo. I've got your permanent file here. You remember when that bus driver wrote you up in 1985? Yep, it's in here. I'm afraid you're no longer eligible for college.

no longer eligible
11-29-08

no longer eligible
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then, click this strap down nice and tight. like this... until it won't close any further. okay, got it. this keep us from breaking our ankles on the slope, right? no, but the closed circuit tape I got of me telling you to tighten your boots keep syou from suing me if you do.

breaking our ankles
11-28-08

breaking our ankles
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if your baby were younger, ma'am, we could probably give him a solution of vitamins to help him grow... but I'm afraid there's not much we can do if he's already sixteen years old.

help him grow
11-27-08

help him grow
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activist judges... you'll pay for this hooting hollering legalized

hooting and hollering
11-26-08

hooting and hollering
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6 october 1986 typing is easy enough on this computer, and I can store hundreds of files on diskettes. once I figure out how to turn on the color, I'll be in business. 8 october 1986 just called the salesman. there's no color? how did I get tricked into spending two thousand dollars on a black and white computer? the guy even told me to buy some of this apple computer stock. I told him, well, I may look stupid, but I wasn't born yesterday, mister! honestly. well time to play some solitaire. 9 october 1986 no solitaire.

new macintosh
11-25-08

new macintosh
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this is not how jengo is played, claudius! the blocks are stacked three by three, and we take turns. Silence! We will play the game as my father caligula taught me... you stack up the blocks, you knock them over, and then you turn your sisters out.

roman jenga
11-24-08

roman jenga
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you little shits quiet down! maybe I'd be able to show you how to swing a bat if your pitcher understood what I mean when I say slower. pitcher! pitcher! slower, asshole! you're lucky you gotta milf or I wouldn't put up with your shit!

little league big milf
11-23-08

little league big milf
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ow! off! get off! let me skate, dick! fight me, halford? come on! you think people come here to watch us skate around?! if you wanna be polite to canadians, go get pulled over in manitoba.

polite to canadians
11-22-08

polite to canadians
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I'm always tellin' people to go exercise. can't stand the thing myself, but they like to feel they're doing something to improve their bodies. wrecks the hell out of your joints, but hey, it keeps 'em happy. that's the most important thing. dad, I can't breathe! can we take a break?! can't stop now, son. doctor says we'll die.

tellin people to exercise
11-21-08

tellin people to exercise
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two bath-rooms? who drew up these plans? a man can only take one bath at a time... if this is not the draftsman's error, it is an error of humanity, to be punished by god. lord have mercy.

two bathrooms
11-20-08

two bathrooms
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sail-boat-propeller-fishing was lucrative at first, but as the money in the field driedup, milton e. hiramflewnixon and his business partner portugal q. improbability began to make a living as spammers

sail boat propeller fishing
11-19-08

sail boat propeller fishing
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boys! put down your babpipes! I've got some delicious soup for you! I'm from the red cross bagpipe relief fund... you need suffer no longer.

bagpipe relief fund
11-18-08

bagpipe relief fund
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forty-fifteen. my serve... wait. hold on. you! hey, you! outta here! this court is for members only.

members only
11-17-08

members only
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the can't fire me just for coming in late repeatedly! how do they think they're gonna find another manual laborer with a shitty attitude?!

shitty attitude
11-16-08

shitty attitude
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you don't know where we are? let me see the map... ah, I know what's wrong. this isn't a map of our area at all... you've been trying to navigate using a foldout ad from field & stream.

lost in the woods
11-15-08

lost in the woods
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six, seven, ei- hey what happened to my workout? best I can tell is that the darn thing got so bored of aerobics that it blew itself out. your best bet would be to get some good tapes... you know... like willow. something exciting... magical.

bored of aerobics
11-14-08

bored of aerobics
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yep, your yellow humor's totally outta whack. this is gonna be expensive... you oughta pick up an extended warranty on your way out. covers all the humors.

all the humors
11-13-08

all the humors
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some fox-hunters quit the sport entirely when the practice of fox hunting was banned several years ago. others, though, responded to the branding of their hobby as "inhumane" by creating the english treat-hunting league. during hunting season, they bring their packs out into the woods, where the dogs enjoy a full day of locating and eating bacon-n-cheese flavored bonesnax.

treat hunting
11-12-08

treat hunting
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what do you mean you want to see my receipt? you were standing right here when I bought... listen, do you wanna end up on le consumeriste?

le consumeriste
11-11-08

le consumeriste
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thanks be to providence! a bountiful catch of north american toxic sea spiders! uh, I mean lobsters.

toxic sea spiders
11-10-08

toxic sea spiders
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look up... keep going... you see that? all those pretty lights? I had my boys back home blow up a satellite for you. happy birthday. oh, it's so pretty! and you're so sweet! thanks, joseph! don't thank me... thank the strategic defense initiative.

blow up a satellite
11-09-08

blow up a satellite
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jenkins, reverse the flaps! turn off the engine! the natives are looking at us! oh, the are looking! this is terrible! we have contacted the last uncontacted tribe in the world! ah, great. more of these fuckers. ignore 'em, guys... if you make eye contact, they're gonna come down and start givin' us soda bottles and bein' like, oh, we come from far away, blah blah. I mean, no shit? You guys didn't walk to our island from your island? Well, you coulda fooled me.

uncontacted tribe
11-08-08

uncontacted tribe
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You wanna grab a beer when we're done today, Thomas? No... I wanna grab about seventy beers when we're done today.

about seventy
11-07-08

about seventy
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boy! I like your hoop... le tme purchase it. I will give you five shillings. No? Ten shillings, then. Ten! What say you! Still no? How about a large package of mortgage-based securities?

let me buy it
11-06-08

let me buy it
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this? you want this olive branch? do you? you're gonna have to fight me for it.

peace american style
11-05-08

peace american style
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go get off my carriage you should not expect to ride again, either. miss! we h ave no room for latte-sipping libertines like yourself. good day!

latte sipping libertines
11-04-08

latte sipping libertines
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we're glad to have you heather. this is my assistant, don. he's ah... staring problem? yeah. you're familiar with that? it's co-morbid with my being hot syndrome.

staring problem
11-03-08

staring problem
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got three-five, who'll give me four? going once... going twice... sold! princess diana nip-slip sold to the man getting a haircut. yesss....I already got charles, william, and harry, so this completes the set.

finally the whole set
11-02-08

finally the whole set
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ugh, can't believe i forgot who it was... I'm just gonna put iraq. someone'll fill in the right one later.

fill in the right one
11-01-08

fill in the right one
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Married To The Sea archives (by month):

2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec