archives (by month):
2010: jan . : . feb . : . mar
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2010: jan . : . feb . : . mar
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
Aaaaaaah!! Atmospheric electrical discharges! Damn...that sounds retarded. Aaaaaaaaah!! Nature God is pissed! Hell yeah.
My beautiful Minnie, I should love to make you my wife... but the unwritten Gentleman's Code demands that I examine your most secret orifice a week before my formal proposal as such. It saddens me greatly to be forced to lay tongues upon your treasures, Minnie, but the Code requires it. Were I not a true gentleman through and through, we would be spared this burden entirely.
Okay... are you ready? On the count of three, stare off into space like a lump.
Angel! What time is it? It's twelve o'clock precisely, Father Time! No... the power went out. All the clocks reset. What time is it actually? The celestial clock shows it to be exactly midnight, Father Time! X XI XII I II III IIII V
"Help! HELLLLLLP!! We're bored!" SUPER FUCKIN BORED PLEASE COME QUICK
By a unanimous vote, the committee hereby recognizes Ensure as the official energy drink of the Republican Party. The drink provides a complete set of vitamins and minerals, which will assist us in bringing about the apocalypse in 2012, so that we may avoid the difficulties of elderlihood, and be awake to witness the four horsemen bringing the rain of fire down upon the terrible, baby-killing liberal media. This meeting is adjourned.
We have returned from our great voyage, my king! Many of our men were lost, but I bring you news of the land across the sea... Men and women living together in square dwellings, eating a spiced delicacy made of great, flightless birds. Did you return with the recipe for this delicacy, explorer? Our people have suffered from bland food since the beginning of time... such a discovery would bring about a new era for us! My king, this recipe is a highly-guarded secret of the people across the
Success! I can feel my biceps growing! If only there were a market for such a strange thing as a "home gymnasium". Surely no-one would keep this distasteful set of pulleys in their parlor.
Okay, Henry. Third position. Flippers together. Henry. Look. Over here, Henry. Third... Henry! Either you're going to learn Khachaturian's Bucket Dance, or you're going back to begging for mollusks in the subway station. Your choice.
Here are my papers, Commissioner Smalls. Commissioner Smalls what? Commissioner Smalls is the illest.
Hey! Horse guy! You need a fish? No? They got those omegas, man. Helps you stay alert, keeps people from throwin' fish at you to knock you off your horse, stuff like that.
Ten thousand feet! I've done it! Finally, man has harnessed the ability of the eagle to soar above the clouds... and all it took was a bird-a-copter and six years of bone-hollowing surgery.
Dad, can we keep this hockey stuff? Dad... DAD! Look at me! I'm you, back before you got the depression!
Your weiner-hat trick is fantastic! Tell me, between magicians, how you perform this illusion! There's, us... well... there's just a hole in the top. I stick my finger through and-- Yes! Just like that! You must teach me how to create this Weiner-Hat. I beg of you!
Hey, you guys play' Go? I play that shit all the time on Facebook... I gotta little widget thing, just on the desktop, tells me where to go next... never lost a game. Any of you guys need help, just say so and I'll get in there. Super helpful widget.
You doin' all right? Just hangin' out? Yeah? Just staring? Awesome. Nothin' helps me plant flowers like a gross, moldy teddy-bear thing staring at me all day. Don't know how I would get anything done without you.
Louisa! Don't you stab that poor man! He's deaf! He doesn't know what a banjo sounds like... you leave him be.
Okay, dudes. See these? The wiggly things? Oh, look what I have down here! Ten little wiggly sausages that are not allowed to touch the ball. 16 6 2 7
Hey, where'd you get that fish? Hey, where'd you get that fish? Hey, where'd you get that fish? Hey, where'd you get that fish? Hey, where'd you get that fish? Hey, where'd you get that fish? Hey, where'd you get that fish? Hey, where'd I get this fish? Hey, where'd you get that fish?
All the workers managed to escape unharmed, but the Cincinnati Amalgamated Gasoline Burnery building was a total loss. The owners managed to recover their investment due to a hefty insurance policy; unfortunately, the Cincinnati Wooden Building Insurance Co. folded soon after paying out the claim.
Tastes of the Portions of the Swine. Good Good Good Good Good Real Good
I don't know about this cigarette soup... it tastes kinda like chimney water. You finish yours already? Yeah, it wasn't too bad. A little ashy at the bottom. Shit, I need another cigarette soup.
Shit, I don't know this one at all... What the hell is he even saying? youuuuuu Soulja boy up in OHS! Watch me crankos, watch me roll! Super-mannoh HO! plink plink plink
Welcome to Monticello! GUESTS: Ring door-bell HELP: Use side entrance SLAVES: Hey, what's your name, cutie?
You want some cantaloupes? Well, let me just special-order them on my Blackberry. Tick-a-tack-a-tack. There you go. They'll be here in about three hundred years.
Over the past decade, gas stations have phased out "full service" at the pumps, instead choosing to "completely ream" drivers by raising the price of gas.
Look at us, up here in our outfits, having a grand old time... We're just like Sex and the City! Except we're old and stuck in Missouri. Except Phil is not a chick. Except I'm a dude.
You know, I played well, and my coach was great... but the real winner here is Arthrotashaxl, the Aztec god of Tennis. Tlazohcamati huel miac Arthrotashaxl. Tonight you will be appeased with the blood of my opponent.
Oh! Animos! Shootos! No! Wait! How are we gonna carryos?
Henry, I must confess a great secret - I am a time traveler, from the year 2008! Good lord, Thomas... you must tell me of the future? What happens in ten years... twenty... oh, you must describe it! Eh, it's pretty boring... I'm mostly here to pick up some brass crap to sell to steampunks.
archives (by month):
2010: jan . : . feb . : . mar
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2010: jan . : . feb . : . mar
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
